weapons of fiction

between the lines.

2011-12-09T00:39:00.002-06:00

long time...

2011-12-09T00:36:00.000-06:00

Wow, realizing it's been a long time since I put anything up here. Got used to Twitter's ease of use. I think I'll head back to the WOF and show it some love. stay tuned...

Never Give Up.

2011-04-11T19:59:00.002-05:00

2011-04-06T08:32:00.001-05:00

Working things out.

Before Your Eyes

2011-03-31T00:37:00.002-05:00

The Thinking Room

2011-03-31T00:36:00.002-05:00

2011-03-29T17:34:00.001-05:00

Shed.

party mix massacre

2011-03-09T01:17:00.001-06:00

continued...

2011-03-09T01:13:00.002-06:00

capture.

2011-03-07T22:30:00.001-06:00

With or Without you

2011-03-07T15:30:00.001-06:00

Temple Bar, Dublin, Ireland

Someone definitely knocked

2011-03-07T14:47:00.001-06:00

Let the bidding begin...

2011-03-03T17:47:00.000-06:00

Found this sweet little baby in MINT Condition in my mini-storage. Opening bid is $1,000,000.... or an order of Bentley Wings from Hooters. Hail to the Chief.

Garden of Love

2011-02-24T04:13:00.000-06:00

Found these old lyrics I wrote eons ago. thanks to Mr. Blake.

a dvd recommendation.

2011-02-08T15:59:00.000-06:00

Spent part of Super Bowl Sunday watching The Tillman Story on DVD. An absolutely devastating and poignant remembrance to Pat Tillman and his family's search for truth. The film looks back at his life, the murky circumstances of his death in Afghanistan and its coverup. The beauty of the film is seeing a family's love for their son, wanting him to be remembered as a caring, passionate, and thoughtful soul and not simply as a symbol. Well worth the viewing. Inspiring.

further reading:

Jon Krakauer: Where Men Win Glory
and
Mary Tillman: Boots on the ground by Dusk

snow.

2011-02-04T03:28:00.000-06:00

felt like a kid again.

demon rock.

2011-02-03T22:41:00.001-06:00

Jimmy Eat World - 1.30.11

2011-02-02T18:38:00.000-06:00

"I promised I'd see it again. I promised I'd see it with you now."
--- Jimmy Eat World, 'Just Watch the Fireworks'

deer politics.

2011-02-02T17:15:00.000-06:00

I was driving home the other night just a tad above the speed limit on thousand oaks when a brave or dumb deer decided to walk out in the middle of the road. thanks to superhuman reflexes I stopped in time before making street art of the young fellow. It was about that moment that it occurred to me just how odd the concept of hunting is. And I mean hunting in the recreational, tv show, head on the wall, check out the blood on my boots sense. Not in the trying to survive in the wilderness or National Parks mandated population control sense.

The way I figure it, if someone is driving down the road and happens to run into and maim and/or kill a deer and in the process damage their vehicle as well, then it's a tragedy or a sad event or in the very least an inconvienence. This poor animal was picked by bad dna and nature to not have the good sense to avoid speeding, metal objects. Their punishment is a painful, gruesome death, followed by the indignity of having their entrails picked at by carrion birds. And yet, this is sad event.

Now, on the other hand, a gentlemen or gentlewoman (pause for the irony of that) makes a conscious choice to spend a day or a weekend carefully stalking a deer in hopes of firing that kill shot and thusly ending the life of said animal. The animal may escape the pain of death if said hunter is skilled enough (and maybe has spent a sackful of quarters playing trophy hunter at Dave and Buster's) but then it still has to look forward to the indignity of being carved up and gutted and maybe picked apart and left in the freezer. And yet, this is good sport. This is something to be proud of.

One might ask what is the true difference between the two? They are both population control and maybe Darwinism at work. But one is an "accident" and the other is a conscious choice to end a living thing's life.

This certainly isn't a judgement call on anyone. Folks are free to live their lives as they please. And hunting in its best form is a method of teaching life skills, bonding, and forming a ties to the earth. And yet I might also ask, couldn't the same lessons be gained from learning to track and blend in and be invisible to nature? Maybe, be skilled enough to stalk up next the animal and to touch it or to photograph it or sketch it? To be one? To commune? To bond?

I don't know the answer but in the meantime, I'll try to keep my eyes on the road and leave the hunting to the hunters.

--
"What do they got you teaching, Sargeant?"
"Knife fighting, sir."
"Don't teach them knife fighting. Teach em to kill. That way they meet some guy who studied knife fighting, they can send his soul to hell."
--- Spartan (David Mamet)

decisions/split decision

2011-01-26T00:03:00.001-06:00

Co-worker said this today:

2011-01-19T14:18:00.000-06:00

"Go sneeze your nose."

Followed by:

"Go watch your screen TV."

quote of the day.

2010-12-26T19:38:00.000-06:00

"Give me a quiet mind... and I... I love you."

--- A Quiet Mind, Blue October

wow...

2010-12-17T23:02:00.001-06:00

we could blanket the earth...

2010-12-16T16:21:00.001-06:00

silly things that matter...

2010-12-15T15:30:00.000-06:00

a little house, my cats, a little dog, a donkey and a maybe a little goat. Days like this with a sky like this. Ocean Blue, wisps of cotton clouds, a breeze that stirs up dust and grass and feels like a warm hand on your cheek. Days that make you believe in God. Days that remind you of how its all ticking away but that every moment should be cherished. Days that are cool in the shade, warm in the sun. Days where you can close your eyes and feel like you can be anywhere in the world at that moment. Somehow water tastes better, the air smells cleaner. Feel like a child. Oh, to somehow be young and wise. But we never get to be both.

twas (almost) a good night...

2010-12-14T00:10:00.000-06:00

A cool brisk Monday night in December. Houston Texans vs. Baltimore Ravens on MNF. A $6 Little Caesar's Pizza and a couple of Jameson & Cokes. Surround Sound and a 42" 1080p LCD. A stellar 21 point scoring run lead by Matty Schaub. Tying 2 point conversion with seconds to go. Overtime. Defensive stop and then...

A pick six to close it out. Ravens 34 - Texans 28

Ouch.

I love them to death but these guys are going to give me a heart attack if the pizza and whiskey doesn't. When they learn to close out games, this offense will be absolutely unstoppable.

Next year, boys...

why not?

2010-12-14T00:04:00.000-06:00

Signs that you work in Poth...

2010-12-03T17:27:00.000-06:00

1. Dust and Sand
2. Lunch from Dollar General
3. Office supplies from Dollar General
4. Toilet Paper from Dollar General
5. A beautiful setting sun
6. No matter how clean your car is, it WILL be dirty within ten minutes of arriving to work
7. No broadband
8. The only internet is satellite and it sucks
9. The internet is very fussy when your office is inside a metal shed
(Reminding me that a metal shed is a good place to sleep, only if you are hiding from the radioactive, zombie-rendering fallout of a near earth object. See: Comet, Night of the)
10. Lots of dead crickets
11. Lots of giant spiders
12. A lunch time raid siren that sounds off from the center of town
13. A yard dog that wanders around peeing on peoples' tires
14. Trash fires
15. Did I mention dust?
16. Cute, feral kittens

17. This morning, a cat (barely 5lbs) walked through the outer door into the garage, she has free reign to do this apparently, and stopped to get my attention. I noticed something dangling from her mouth. Noticed it was a dead bunny. A cute, furry, Cadbury Commercial Type Bunny. The cat took the corpse into the garage and tossed it to her tiny kitty babies, so they could devour it, I presume. One could say that this is a small reminder of the cycle of life. That all things have an end and a beginning. That no life is without purpose. That no matter how small, we all have a role to play in the history of this world.

Or, one could think that seeing the corpse of a bunny in the mouth of a kitty is just plain messed up.

Rest in peace, Bunny. Rest in Peace.

A Long Walk from the City to the Desert

2010-11-29T22:50:00.000-06:00

A long walk from the city to the desert

c.rick.ortiz

Sometimes I try

to kiss you so hard

hard enough to taste your soul

and maybe it'll be enough

to make me good

to make me good again

and this fire, this holy fire

it started in cities

and ended in deserts

and you, you walked these ruins

and counted your friends

and missing forgiveness

Sometimes I try

to hold you forever

Closed my eyes

and kissed your eyes

but still, you walked away

cause I walked away

but never stopped loving

And there was a day

when you were standing beside me

the waves and the fog and the Atlantic

behind us

And you, your hair was wet from summer rain

And me, I was trying to kiss you hard

hard enough to make you see me

and maybe enough

to make me good enough

to rebuild these ruins

or maybe, he says.

2010-11-29T22:46:00.000-06:00

'It's not that I let you go. I just didn't know how to hold on.' The music keeps playing, she looks away. A world between them.

...

2010-11-28T00:15:00.000-06:00

Brigman leaned in cold, assured. He tossed his fading cigarette and rubbed it out beneath his boot with one quick motion. You're not the type to be missed, you're the type that gets forgotten. You're life will be a rumor, a whisper on the lips of dying men, coughing up a pat on blood on a sun-bleached cot in the middle of fuckall, he said. I'd hope your heart can take it, boy. Death is walking these streets and he's an impatient bastard. I tried to pull back from his cracked lips, his smoky breath hot. His face close, close enough to see the reflection of the world behind me in his eyes. He stared for a moment, let the silence sink in, then slapped me on the back. Dust floating up and about. Get some sleep now, maybe you'll feel better tomorrow.

twisted kitty

2010-11-09T18:24:00.001-06:00

do not disturb

2010-11-02T22:55:00.001-05:00

peepee kitty

2010-11-02T22:54:00.001-05:00

super cats

2010-11-02T22:53:00.001-05:00

what the fire took... what it gave up

2010-10-21T17:13:00.000-05:00

On my way home Monday, I got a disturbing call from a friend. He said I should get home quick, that there was a fire at my complex. I was driving through downtown at the time and was roughly 15 mins from home.

It was the longest ride home and the fastest at the same time. I was clocking in at about 80 to 85 mph, head flooded with a myriad of thoughts. The first and most important thought? My cats.

Strange that at this moment in my life, those two animals are the most prized things in my apartment. My heart sunk at the thought of any harm coming to them. I told myself I'd give up anything in there for their safety. Such an odd thought at that moment. My two cats. My silly little Sadie. A happy little owl in a kitty's body. And Stuart, my angry, unstable revolutionary. I must be getting old.

The good news is my actual building was not the one on fire. The bad news was it turned out that another set of units had an electrical fire and sadly were in pretty bad shape and their occupants displaced. I got lucky, but my heart definitely goes out to the folks whose places were wrecked.

Don't Judge

2010-10-08T01:25:00.001-05:00

WOF has the quiet, secret urge to see Life as We Know It. Don't judge. It doesn't look good on you.

The Social Network

2010-10-05T17:02:00.000-05:00

Last night, I caught the last showing of The Social Network and I have to say I really enjoyed it. It was dark, and funny and didn't show the characters as anything but what they are: flawed, human and insecure. The beautiful thing that this film captured was the painful journey to belong, to do something important, meaningful. What else there? Want makes for entertainment is that most of the characters are vapid, arrogant pricks that are either rich or smart, sometimes both, but to the last desperately wanting to matter. It would be easy to hate them, if they weren't so pathetic. Jesse Eisenberg's Mark is the worst. Despite his intelligence, he is petty and insecure and one wonders that maybe if he could have just learned how to relate to others, to talk to girls, to not need to be accepted then either his billion dollar idea would have never been or maybe the guy would've saved the world by now.

The film posits the possibility that Mark's facebook came about because he wanted to make friends, meet girls, be elite. Because he constantly found himself on the outside looking in, he was angered as much as he wanted to be included. Facebook was his way in and to say fuck you to the elites. But the irony of course, is that his facebook started as a portal for the elite, making him the gatekeeper just like the final clubs that he raged against and then even further than that the site ultimately become the portal for everyone, everywhere. As the film goes, and much of it is reportedly a fictionalized version of the truth, Mark ends up a billionaire, fighting off everyone around him, all claiming a piece of the prize. A genius who parlayed an idea into riches and changed the landscape of social interaction or just an arrogant prick who happens to be a genius? Who knows for sure, but it makes for a great film.

Here Facebook is the economist's widget or Hitchcock's McGuffin which is fine because a movie as finely made as this doesn't need to convince me to join Facebook (which it certainly hasn't) and in fact Facebook here is the least interesting part of the movie.

The best part is how effective it is at showing us the power of grand ideas and how those same ideas can ruin our souls.

***

Notes/Questions:

-- Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross' score works great for the film. It never seems to impose itself on the film but rather slinks around in the background, between words, in and out of the cold. A great score.

-- Keep an eye on Andrew Garfield who plays Eduardo here. He's already been tapped to play Peter Parker in the Spiderman reboot and starred in the first part to the Red Riding Trilogy as well as opposite Robert Redford in Lions for Lambs. This guy is going to be a movie star.

-- The Winkelvi: Couldn't they just find a real pair of identical twin actors inside spending a ton of cash to use two bodies and one face? Hello, are the london brothers free? Zack and Cody? The Olsen Twins?

-- Timberlake is great here as a world class tool who plays the Devil to Eisenberg's Faust. Check him out in Southland Tales.

A Thousand Suns

2010-09-15T01:23:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you hear something when you need to hear it. For me today, it was Linkin Park's new CD, A Thousand Suns. I picked up a copy of it today and immediately listened to their entire thing, put it on my iPod then walked/ran 2.5 miles.

This is a bit funny considering I was among the folks who dismissed them when Hybrid Theory came out. On one level, rightfully so. It was the age of rap-rock and it seemed everyone was adding a DJ and a rapper to their band to get noticed. But it wasn't even that, it was something also to do with the blankness of some of their lyrics. Some of it seemed like afterthoughts. The kind of exciting folks that championed their music (the same folks that tended to love Limp Bizkit or the other frat-mosh ilk) didn't help me want to dig too deep either. But I was wrong. As their Linkin Park's songs begin to grow on me, I realized that with each album that they grow by leaps and bounds. Which is a lot to say about modern music. Most of it doesn't. Culminating in Minutes to Midnight, they seemed to have grown up and found something to say. Environment, politics, war, love - all fine and good. Just say what you feel. And they did.

The other thing that really made me grow fond of these guys is Mike Shinoda. The guy seems like truly a mastermind. Along with his Fort Minor album and his growing producing work, he just seems to be such a force in the studio. Checking out the documentaries for the last two albums really showcased his abilities and made me respect him even more.

Anyways, A Thousand Suns is worth picking up. It might do for you what it did for me.

new fiction:

2010-08-09T14:15:00.000-05:00

Here's an excerpt from a short story I have been working on.

   It was early day when we realized our benefactors where gone. Dead. In the night. A small commuter plane coming out from West Texas. The bodies burned a glowing light. Our period of adjustment was radical considering the circumstances. Anson Brigman and heavy his boots on the wood porch. A solid, calloused fist banging on the door. A thump that disturbed that peaceful collection of dust that lined the windowsills beside the door. Never an early riser, I struggled to place reality and dream in their separate boxes. Head still cloudy from the late night at Joe Allen's. Beer bottles like chess pieces, I, a latter day Bobby Fischer, a bad motherfucker when the lights are low and the beer is cheap. Brigman's fist was thunder, the front door a limestone canyon. She nudged me with her elbow, a hard shot from such a small arm. Between two ribs I presume, because it felt like a knife.

   That's the door, she said. A loud door, a disturbing door. You can only ignore a woman so long before she becomes a force of nature, an act of God. That's the fucking door, the door no one ever knocks on. She was right about that. No one knocked because there are hardly any strangers out here. Gimbal and Pride used the back door when they came, nary a thought to knock. This was their place, too. Griffin and Cartwright were old as bones and wouldn't bother a neighbor to tell them the sky was falling. No, a knock was bad. As in death, bad. As in your world will change forever, bad. If this where a film, we'd cut to dark clouds rolling out across the plains, a wild animal would jump up and dart away alerted by its sixth sense. But this is real. This is the end of everything we have made together for the last two years. No utopia, but I would've dared you to try better. I can hear Brigman's boot scraping dirt on the porch, impatient, distracted. I wipe my eyes and call out. Wake the dead and carve your stone, Brigman. His boots stomp down the steps and stop. The porch moans when his weight presses against it to sit. She covers her face to hide from the sunlight that's creeping in from east. I don't have to look under the covers to know she is still naked under there. Naked and soft. I can still taste her on my lips. Its cold out but she's naked. She's naked because she says she feels free like that. In bed, without the world watching. Just me. Me and God. I hold moments beside her close, because Lord knows this day would come. A crashing of the world. That black cloud that has followed us since that day. That cloud, a hunter. That cloud, a world destroyer. I lean over to kiss her cheek but I can't. I won't. I want to remember her like this.

   My feet hit the floor and they are stung with cold. I'm slip on my jeans. They feel thick and heavy from last night. Smoke and spilt beet. They stink in a familiar way. A way that takes me back to being a younger man. A stronger man, a loving man.

   I pull up my boots. The leather scraps against my dry feet. The soles are cool and almost damp. I pull a shirt from my bag. A random shirt, an old shirt. It says the name of school I've never heard of, but its soft. The victim of a thousand washes. Soft on my skin.

   The knocking has stopped but I know Brigman is there. Maybe his shotgun is too. I think about this and stick my pistol in my back waistband. I don't think to check the breach for a round but I have faith. I have faith that if I need to kill this motherfucker it will be done. If he draws on me and a round isn't chambered, I'll throw this pistol like Nolan Ryan. I'll break his nose and he'll be blinded by his tears and blood. It shouldn't come to that, but I think about it anyway. I think about it while I reach for the door, while my hand shakes and heart beats against my ribcage. I pull open the door, calm as cool cat. I tuck my hands in my pockets, wondering how fast I can draw my gun. Wondering how fast he can turn. But there's no shotgun beside him, not today. But Brigman carries a switchback blade in his boot. It's so big, it makes him walk funny. The kind of blade only good for two things: showing off and gutting a man from navel to neck.

   Sorry 'bout the intrusion. Wouldn't bother if it wasn't urgent. He sounds calm and sedate but I'd be stupid to say sad. I figured as much, Anson. What's so urgent you got to pull me out of dreamland? He doesn't turn. He doesn't even seem to move. A fly lands on his shoulder but he doesn't swat it. It flies away unimpressed and bored. Anson Brigman is not here. No, he's a three hundred miles away. Anson, it's cold out. If you don't have anything to say... But he does.
Rictor and Garcia are dead. You should run.

Laughing... (Step Brothers)

2010-07-16T01:03:00.001-05:00

lunch

2010-07-13T13:36:00.000-05:00

Eating hot dogs for lunch today. Realized there wasn't any ketchup or mustard. Had to use Siracha in lieu of the ketchup. Goodbye gall bladder.

Movie Quote of the Night

2010-07-04T22:25:00.000-05:00

"Go you Huskies..."

Retire as a Millionaire? Sounds easy enough...riiiiight.

2010-06-30T13:28:00.000-05:00

Here's a cute little article from Yahoo.How to Retire as a Millionaire

The Walking Dead

2010-06-30T13:21:00.000-05:00

Just came across AMC's Blog for the TV Series adaptation of The Walking Dead. It'll be interesting to see what they do with it and how much of the violence and language that they retain.

For the uninitiated, TWD is a comic series by Robert Kirkman that follows the survivors of a zombie pandemic that sweeps across America. Of course, the survivors find out that what they truly have to fear is not zombies but each other. It's pretty worn ground these days, but the comic is great because of the way Kirkman paints the characters and really creates of sense of despair and futility. In his story, no one is safe from harm, especially the hero.

Like anyone else, I had other images in my mind for who should portray the characters but I'll trust in Frank Darabont (The Mist, The Shawshank Redemption) and co. for now. Here it is:

The Walking Dead Blog

For my money, I would use the song below as the theme and maybe even try to entice Mr. Gosling to play Rick.

words.

2010-06-29T13:12:00.001-05:00

You will lose touch

c.rick.ortiz

concentrate brother

focus on the distant point

go on and define your journey

center your gravity

get your bearings and

chart the course

this ship is leaving harbor

with only stars to live by

and that's the way it is

and this is the way it ends

remember to kill the past

before it kills you

transcend brother

navigate by starlight

search for meaning

in the darkness so dense

that the earth stops turning

pledge yourself

this ship docked, a distant port

with only memory to guide you

and that's the way it is

and this is the way it ends

remember to remember

remember to forget

all that hurts you...

NOLA 2010

2010-06-25T12:02:00.000-05:00

scary and funny...

2010-06-25T10:56:00.001-05:00

goosebumps... (Velvet)

2010-06-24T15:14:00.000-05:00

The Big Pink - "Velvet"

run, push people down, and go buy, " A Brief History of Love."

thoughts on mail delivery and change

2010-06-24T14:41:00.000-05:00

"Everything can change at any moment, suddenly and forever." - Paul Auster

This quote has burned in my head over the last year. Being 30, getting older, watching things grow and change and wither and bloom. Life is a series of transitions...the ebb and flow....the tide...

Last night, I was going through a stack of mail: bills, too many credit card temptations, junk mail and I waited to open the large envelope last. I knew what it was. It had a sticker on the outside that said DO NOT BEND and yet my caring post man squeezed it into my tiny mailbox (more of a curve than a bend, one would argue). I opened it up and inside was my certificate from the UCLA Professional Program in Screenwriting stating that I had completed and passed the program. When things like this happen, a part of me wants to smile and be proud and jump up and down but that's never that case. It just means that it's time to my ass to work. I really learned a lot in the course. I was challenged and pushed and it made my skin a bit thicker, my heart probably a little harder but it was worth every moment. To me, there are few greater feelings that creating something. Words on a piece of paper, mixed up in syntax and usage in that moment in a way that is unique and true. Words pulled from the ether. The prize is in the creation, the fear is in what to do with it. Like any other completed endeavor, the question that lingers is simple: What next? That's a tough one. What next? The question maybe of the ages. Apply it to any significant event in all of human history and the event will turn pale, stiff, maybe even into a pile of salt. Cursed for self-examination, cursed for the belief that it is important. But what is progress but pushing ahead amid fear, insecurity and trepidation? What is progress but proving that something is alive? That we are alive?

The Finale

2010-05-24T10:58:00.000-05:00

Well, that's it. Lost has officially ended. What can I say? Were all my questions answered? No. Did it fit into my exact frame view of how it should all work it? Nope. Did they truly explain anything? Not really. But was I happy in the end? Yes. Rather than trying the impossible like trying to answer a thousand questions in two hours they did something that worked for me. They gave us emotional closure. Maybe we realize that all the time travel, the bombs, the polar bears, the forward, back, sideways flights of fancy, were important only in that they allowed us to take a journey with these characters. Characters that we grew to love and think of as real people. To truly care about. What more can a storyteller ask for, other than to keep you engrossed and keep you caring?

There were times when it was frustrating and confusing and too smart for its own good but there were also times when it was brilliant and funny and mind blowing. Most of all, we just cared about it. Like a friend, like something you invest yourself in. You stick with it through the tough times and you rejoice in the great times and you came out on the other end - better. That's a lot to ask of a TV show. That's a lot to ask of anything. But it worked. And maybe it will stand the test of time. No, scratch that. It will stand the test of TV and pop culture time. And it will and has, spawn of genre of television that will seek to capture that lighting in a bottle. Some of them might work, most of them will fail, if they haven't already. But that's alright, because the point is the journey. The fact that boundaries will be pushed, limits will be stretched, will only be better for TV and storytelling and entertainment as a whole. Those of us that took that ride and those that will soon catch up, will get to look back at being a part of a landmark moment in our culture.

In a few days, when I do have what some of us call "movie hangover" I will start to question and wonder and take apart the finale and the season and the series and it will probably inspire heated "discussions" down at the bar or on the couch and that will be good. Because I'll know that I still care, that it mattered. What's worse than seeing a movie or a show, and having nothing to say about it when its over. No opinion, no dislike, no love, no discussion. I can smile knowing that I'll never know and that's good, because it means I can bond with friends and family, loved ones talking and pondering and philosophizing and talking about the "big picture" and that will be a gift that I will always have Lost to thank for.

Good bye, Lost. Thank You.

Cushlash...

2010-05-14T12:13:00.000-05:00

Well, what can I say, it's been an unhappy week to be a Texans fan. Our Defensive Rookie of the Year has been suspended for four games for testing positive for a banned substance. Great. This is exactly what they needed. Really, the Texans never, and I mean never get any sort of coverage despite having the best wide receiver in football churning out receptions and yards, year after year and a quarterback who last season ranked up statistically with the best QB's in the game, all without a whiff of a true running game. But here we are in May, football season still a few months away and I'm having to see Brian Cushing's face up on ESPN at a Mexican restaurant. I think, Did he save a bus full of kids, did he build a house? Nope. Just the same old jazz about P.E. drugs or at least the specter of. I don't know the guy. Didn't follow his college career. Don't know his life story. But he's a hell of football player.

It's a tough call for a fan to be objective. I don't keep up with college football because outside of being a money machine and a source of pride for an institution, it is the machine that creates the problems that become NFL players. A system that builds boys up to believe that they can't fail, and to do so would be letting down their family, their school, their teammates. And that some how, failing can make them less of a man. This certainly isn't a diatribe to defend a guy whose play lifted a defense up and put him in the position to actually become a professional football star. And never mind that the only semi-authentic (read expensive) jersey I have ever owned bears his name. Never mind that when I purchased it, I was standing inside of Reliant Stadium on Monday Night Football against the Titans. Proud to be among the minority with # 56 on. Proud to stand up and cheer like a kid, believing that my hopes rested on the shoulders of the talented, fallible men that played down there on that field. Most of which were younger than me.

And that's when it hits you, right? What do we expect from them? Integrity? Passion? A love for what they do? Success? To make us feel that if we believe enough, if we scream loud enough that we can change history? Yes. All of those things. That's a hell of a lot to ask.

Those are things the we really don't ask from any other professional. We ask of our waiters, our mechanics, our teachers, our tow truck drivers, our raspa stand guy to do it right and do it cheap. Get it done. We don't ask them to give their bodies and their souls for 60,000 people on a Monday Night or the holy Sunday. We don't ask them to willingly destroy their body and risk injury and death for our pleasure, for our hopes, for our own pride. For a kid's game. For a game we played in backyards. For a game we played on the streets. On dusty fields with no one watching but our family's and our friends. And yet we ask that of our football players. And they do it. For the love of the game. For the feeling of success. For the brotherhood of blood and mud and sweat and tears. For the fame. For the money. For the dream that they might be remembered. That their time on this earth will have meant something to someone. For someone, fifty years from now to remember them they way we remember the Greek Gods, the gladiators. To become myths and legend.

There are three great football movies. North Dallas Forty. Any Given Sunday. Friday Night Lights. I say that as a fan of film, as a fan of football, as a fan of books, as a fan of Oliver Stone and Peter Berg and Peter Gent and Nick Nolte and Lucas Black and Mac Davis and his song, "in the Ghetto" that someone famous once sang. I say it as a guy who was once a scrawny kid who played football for a little while. I wasn't very good, but I played my heart out. I believed.

Those films are great, though, they are raw and ugly and scrape the sheen off of sports. Any Given is cast off as a collage-y mess of over the top characters and spotty acting. Maybe some of it is, but it's also true to the idea of being a part of a machine that only wants you till you no longer serve its purpose. Just watch the scene with Shark and Willie Beaman in the steam room. In reality, all three films are about this same thing. North Dallas Forty did it first, Any Given Sunday did it the flashiest, and Friday Night Lights did it best. They told the story of men, boys, that are willing to break themselves for one more moment of glory. Because most of us are lucky if we ever get one.

So do I stand by doping or the use of P.E. drugs? Absolutely not. Can I defend behavior that is against the rules of your profession? No. Can we call professional sports a bastion of integrity and truth? Absolutely not. Because it's a system, a machine, a business. Its point is to make money, to sell ads, jerseys and beer and chips and wings and athletic apparel and video games. And yes, there is a game going on. There are men bleeding for you. Killing themselves one day at a time so that on Tuesday morning we can tear them down and tell them that the didn't kill themselves enough.

So aren't we all responsible? The business? The institutions? The coaches? The media hacks that want so bad to relive those glory days or worse yet, live through men who do what they never did? Media hacks, that the point of the show or the story is them and the scoop and their twitter account and forget that their job is to report and not be auditioning for a role, or promoting their book?

It's tough, because at the end of the day. We don't know, do we? We don't know who takes, who doesn't? Who is on the up and up? Who is getting a jump? They do. Those men. Those boys. The ones that fight. The ones that bleed. The ones that do it for themselves. The ones that do it for us. How do we fix it? I don't know. But I know how we can hurt it more.

In the end, I'm just a fan. A guy that loves the feeling of cheering. Believing. I never been a stand up and cheer and stomp my feet kind of guy. But when I am watching from my couch on Sundays, I stand up and cheer. When I stood beside my friends in the Alamodome and watched the Saints beat the Bills and when Carol took me to Reliant to watch my favorite team play my old favorite team. I stood up and I cheered. I stood up and screamed my heart out. I called out names of players as if I knew them personally. I screamed "Cushing" as I stood there wearing his jersey. I believed. I believe in the philosophy of sports and that it does more good than bad. I believe in that kid, # 56 that went and played his heart out. I still believe.

I hope that he does too. I hope that when those crucial four games are over and he gets back on the field, that he will play better than ever and he will do it with a clean bill of health and that he will silence his critics. And that the only things he will hear, are the cheers and the fans stomping their feet. Believing.

bad idea hair...

2010-04-21T12:52:00.000-05:00

I, for one think that it's great to have inspiration. You know, things that spark your imagination or interest. Sometimes these things move you to do things or to create your own things. Which is great for the world and creativity in general. And sometimes...it's just a bad idea. I saw this image (below) today:

And it made me think of this:

In addition to just looking kind of gross, it conveys a couple of important points. One, you are not Colin Farrell. Two, if you decide to cop the style of a movie star, try not to use the film where the guy plays a cop who's undercover as a greasy, grubby, dope smuggler and whose style befits that. Three, when your reputation is not exactly stellar at the moment, it's probably best to not look like a greasy, grubby dope smuggler. Just a thought. There are plenty of cool things to take away from this film: its realistic HD cinematography, the greatness of Michael Mann, the greatness of Mogwai, great soundtrack, Mojitos, the sweet little shorthand that the characters have between them that requires only about three words per conversation, a collection of some great actors, etc. The one thing one should NOT take away from this film is this Sonny Crockett Grease Mullet. It's a sad little animal that needs to be released back into the wild and reunited with its family.

simple pleasures.

2010-04-20T16:42:00.001-05:00

Some recommeded reading.

2010-04-08T10:53:00.001-05:00

Talking with a classmate the other day, reminded me about this book. I read it a few years ago and it seems like a good time to pull it out again. It was written by Christopher Vogler and in it he uses Joseph Campbell's The Hero with a Thousand Faces as a tool to structure stories. It makes scary sense and is a pretty useful tool.

blimp

2010-03-24T12:57:00.001-05:00

St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-18T10:39:00.001-05:00

Big Red / Jimmy Eat World

2010-03-05T10:31:00.000-06:00

I was eating a rather greasy, dirty diaper of a bean and cheese taco this morning when I suddenly had a taste/smell memory. I could feel/taste/smell the cold, sticky burn of a Big Red in mouth. Like I had just taken a gulp. But I hadn't. I haven't had a big red in months, actually I haven't had any soda in close to a month. Sweet tea? Yes. Heineken Light, et al? Fo Sho. Water? More so, than usual.

One of those odd mysteries of being the human machine is those tiny moments. Where you don't recall memories but your body does on it's own. Suddenly tasting big red for instance. Or when a tangible thing sparks a memory trigger. Another example, the smell of wet, fresh cut grass always reminds me of elementary school. The smell of burnt toast reminds me of pre-school. The smell of vanilla reminds me of Joe's Cherokee. Every once in a while, I'll still burp and taste Gold Schlaeger. A horrible, burning cinnamon taste. The last time, I had that? About twelve years ago, I threw it up in Nick's back yard. I can still taste it. Anyone who has every thrown it up can probably attest to this. Sadly.

I have eyesight that appears to be declining, rather than improving. My hands tend to occasionally goe numb or feel swollen. It's sometimes uncomfortable to flip the bird. After years of eating all kinds of hot sauce and peppers and sour candy, I'm pretty sure a layer of taste buds are permently burned, scoured.

All in all, my senses kind of suck. Except for my sense of smell. In fact, it usually overcompensates and walking through a crowd or walking into the room when our dog just pooped. Not that its a supersense or anything like that, it just works better than my other crappy senses. Everyday, I pass by Stinson airport and just before I pass the landing strip I drive through a Poop Cloud. The thick, hot stink of sewer. I assume there's an open line somewhere in the field or a stagnant pool close by because the smell is there everyday.

I was joking with Carol the other day that my sense of smell was heightened when I was a kid. I use to open up the jars on my mom's spice rack and inhale. I loved the feeling of being overwhelmed and how it made me want to sneeze. Creepy and odd but true. I theorized that I opened up my olfactory senses which explains its overcompensation now. This makes me laugh. Especially in the restroom.

Memory triggers are neat. Like a free, real time travel machine. (this is good for me because sometime's I fear that I will turn into a real life Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. " When I was young, I could throw the football over that mountain over there.")

For instance, I was driving to work this morning, my iPod plugged into my car. I was listening to a Cinderleaf CD, which got me thinking about Jimmy Eat World. So I clicked over to that folder. Now, I'm not their biggest fan by any stretch but Clarity and Bleed American were and still are incredibly solid albums. A snapshot in time before post-punk, pop rock, zeitgeist pandering, self-aware bands flooded the radio and tv selling you everthing but timeless music.

Both albums just have that feel of momentum and hope and inspiration.

"Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back,
Looking around?

Are you gonna waste your time thinking,
How you’ve grown up,
Or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want,
Or even at 25,
You gotta start sometime"
--- "a praise chorus" from Jimmy Eat World's "Bleed American"

wow. I remember that hitting me hard when I was 25. Now I'm 30 and it hits even harder.

do something. man, I'm trying.

2010-02-25T19:31:00.002-06:00

2010-02-25T19:31:00.001-06:00

Bluesky ants working

2010-02-25T19:30:00.001-06:00

2010-02-22T11:57:00.002-06:00

Petting zoo

2010-02-22T11:57:00.001-06:00

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Rodeo

2010-02-22T11:54:00.001-06:00

Men, Not Gods

2010-02-17T13:49:00.000-06:00

2/19/2010 -- Finished draft of Men, Not Gods. (119 pages, over 21, 000 words. Six and half months.)

Going to crack open my bottle of Casillero del Diablo. Appropriate, no? Told myself I'd have a glass, when finished the script.

(a little more) inspiration

2010-02-17T13:15:00.000-06:00

More so than anytime before, I feel inspired by the city I live in. The city I was born in. These past six and half months, I have been working on a script that lives and breathes my city. For a story, that has more or less been floating in my head for 10 years, now feels like the time for it to be born. I have never put the idea to paper before, always feeling like I was not ready to write it. The past decade, five days a week, I have driven from one end of the city to the other. And everyday, I try to take it all in. The beauty, the ugliness. The suburban sprawl, the isolation of neighborhoods from one another. The sweltering heat in what seems like seven months of summer, the gentle breeze and dry cold air in the two months of so called winter. The Texas Winter.

From time to time, I try to commemorate these moments in a photo, to capture what I see, what I feel. And in some cases, the very places that have inspired locations in my story. I honor those places. Those images, not digital, but those burned into my heart.

Page 33

2010-02-17T13:05:00.000-06:00

Page 87

2010-02-05T15:53:00.001-06:00

The Unit

2010-02-01T23:25:00.000-06:00

I finally have had a chance to sit down and watch some episodes of David Mamet's now canceled TV show, "The Unit." Basically the series which is based Eric L. Haney's book, "Inside Delta Force," is about the men of an secret elite force, their battles at home and abroad. It also deals with how their secretive and dangerous jobs effect their marriages and relationships as much of the show also deals with the families they have to leave behind.

Wow. Mamet is already up on my list of folks I want to be when I grow up but the show has blown me away. I went with my gut and purchased the complete series box set with all four seasons. I'm almost done with the first season (bought it on Saturday) and boy was it a good investment. The writing and the acting (especially Dennis Haysbert) are just great. Just a really deep, dynamic, scary world that they create. Plus, an incredible theme song to boot. Most Highly Recommended.

Robert Duncan did the theme song check it out here:

...the old world fades

2010-01-27T22:13:00.000-06:00

Driving down Roosevelt yesterday, I passed by the remains of the Mission Drive-In. Not much was left, just the old projector building, a concession stand and one screen. Then I noticed the bulldozers. They were tearing down the screen and demolishing the concession stand. I have driven past this thing everyday for the better part of six months, by the afternoon and it was gone. Nothing left but memories, I guess. The tagger punks will have to find a new spot to defile. The good news is a library is being built on the land.

The only drive in movie memory I have was sitting in the back seat of my parent's car. Our car was facing Tootsie, and have a distinct memory of leaning on the back seat, looking out the window trying to watch Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan without sound on the screen behind us. I want to say the drive we went to was over off of Fredericksburg Rd. by Wonderland Mall (now Crossroads). Funny, this was 1982. I'm guessing I was about 3 1/2 (born in '79). An odd thing to remember and strange that its such a vivid thing, but I presume I remember because its one of the only childhood memories I have of doing something with both my parents (at the same time) as they were soon to be divorced. Was it a happy memory? Dunno. What do I remember? Hoffman as a drag queen, Montalban as a feather haired evil doer. That's about it.

I didn't become a drag queen or a Trekkie. In fact, I just finally saw the new Star Trek and haven't seen Tootsie since. The upside? Film is one of my passions. Let's see how life plays out...

on the river.

2010-01-21T16:41:00.003-06:00

ruins. Hot wells hotel.

2010-01-21T16:41:00.001-06:00

Laser Cats!

2010-01-19T01:09:00.000-06:00

hee hee...

when the water comes...

2010-01-18T17:03:00.001-06:00

Here's a shot from my phone last week. This is at the River Tunnel Outlet at St. Mary's & Lone Star across from Roosevelt Park. The inlet is located right off Josephine by 281 & the golf course. According the San Antonio River Authority website, the inlet drops into a 118' shaft that is 24' in diameter and travels 3 miles. The outlet shaft is 144' vertical. The underground tunnel was designed to divert around 6,700 cfs (cubic feet per second) of peak rainfall water under downtown to avoid this . The power of the water, the elevation drop and gravity push the water through at 15' per second and up and out of the shaft. Construction was completed in '97, just before the big flood of '98. The tunnels were dug out with these. Wow. Now, what do you think you can do with one of those? (Underground railway systems that can cross the country in a few hours and can transport manpower and equipment in a state of emergency...cough...cough? Just a thought.)

Being that this place is close to my work, I go there sometimes on my lunch break and walk around. In the summer, the area to the left is dry and you can walk down there. Through a metal fence, you see the gaping hole of the outlet tunnel. It's definitely a sight, especially when you consider how much water is gushing out of it in this picture. The picture itself doesn't do it much justice but something to check out when the next big storm comes. It's a pretty peaceful little spot with benches on the terrace above and a view of the Southern Pacific rail line that runs beside it as well as a view to the south of the Old CPS power plant, Roosevelt Park and the SA River which they are currently widening down here. After years of disuse, the old Lone Star Brewery is on it's way to becoming condos and retail space. Just another great SA spot a bit off the beaten path but worth discovering. Check it out.

a requiem

2010-01-14T14:37:00.000-06:00

the Armada Awaits

watching eyes are suffering no more
the sky is empty tonite
giving way to a new light
and here we sit, realizing

you were defending us all along
you were watching us all along

there is no reasoning
with the universe
she makes her own rules
we could believe again

there's a new light in an old sky
the heavens are better for it

you will be honored
you will be remembered

it was a goodnight
for a good man
nothing hollow could come of this

and you said you can always change your mind
and we listened
and we healed
and we finally got our bearings

the ocean's waving your ship home
greeted by armada

defending you all along
watching you all along
a good son, a good man

you will be honored
you will not be forgotten

you will be remembered

Mystery Solved!

2010-01-14T13:57:00.000-06:00

My morning "falling debris" sighting has been solved. Thanks to Ryan Short for the answer.

check it out at: www.stinsonfield.com

falling sky?

2010-01-08T11:09:00.001-06:00

I was heading 37 South this morning about 9:40 am, just passing the Alamodome/Downtown Area when 3 streaks of black smoke caught my eye. My first reaction was that it was a plume of smoke from a brushfire or the power plant at Calaveras Lake but after a moment I realized that the smoke was traveling downwards with dark pieces of what seemed like material. Making this realization I immediately looked upward and saw a small plane above the smoke (above distance being relative) and my next thought was, "oh, that plane was pulling a banner and it fell." Again, my thought process caught up and I thought, "oh, shit. That's falling debris. Something blew up." Not wanting to feel like a moron or that I made it up, I phoned work to have someone corroborate. I gave little detail but told them to look up in the sky for black smoke. At first, I thought the "smoke" was east of 37 but as the hwy swerved down by Pecan Valley, I realized that it was actually West of 37 and south of downtown.

Looking towards the horizon, with the smoke and debris visibly falling at an obvious velocity, I again noticed an aircraft in the vicinity. Again, appearing to be a small commuter plane and not a Military F-16 or C-130 which are commonly seen over the southside (due to the proximity of Lackland AFB, Medina Base and Kelly USA). By the time I had exited onto 410 heading east towards Roosevelt, the smoke was almost gone and a or the(?) commuter plane had just made a come around and was heading north towards Stinson Airport , off Roosevelt. I'm not sure if the plane was the same one I saw from 37 but I did notice what appeared to be a helo hovering the same area. Helo's are also common in the area due to the newstations and Police helos parking at Stinson.

The photo above kind of sucks as I took it with my Blackberry while driving (dangerous, kids) through a dirty windshield. But you may be able to discern a dark "spot" just between two window smudges and a lampost, just even with the third lampost. There is also a window smudge further up. I type that so as not to imply that the 3 smudges are the "falling debris" but rather that the picture is not terribly representative of what I saw.

So who knows what is was? I sent a news tip to KSAT, inquiring about the "sighting" and to see if any other sources had mentioned it. I received no response, but am not sure if they ever do respond. As of this morning, there is no mention of it on their site from Friday or over the weekend. However there was at least 13 references to death, violence or Police in on line KSAT headlines. Just a detail.

Now, I'm not sure what I saw other than I know that it was smoke, and there were pieces falling down towards the horizon. Beyond that, I can't speculate. But just for moment, doesn't it make you wonder? Like the old cliche says about trees falling in the forest, if you didn't see it or hear about it, does it mean it didn't happen?

Another thought...Did you know that at Medina Base there are large Atomic Energy Commision Igloos, as they were called, buried but visible from 1604 as grassy hills with front doors. Back in the cold war days, they used to house and dismantle nuclear weapons in these concrete reinforced bunkers. In November of '63, just a week or so before Kennedy was assassinated, while a crew worked to dismantle one of these units, a non-nuclear blast reportedly equivalent to 60 tons of TNT exploded and the ensuing shockwave was heard and broke windows across town.

I first heard this story from my dad who remembered it happening when he was 11 and as my interest was piqued, internet searches confirmed the story. There's actually quite a few stories about it online. One mention of it is actually on a San Antonio blog, called San Antonio Remembers, had never seen it till today (check it out) and the picture below is from their site (www.sanantonioremembers.blogspot.com).

Just some thoughts. What do you think?

Avatar

2010-01-02T17:49:00.000-06:00

Not sure what else to say about it right now. It was incredible and everything I wanted it to be. It was beautiful and moving and inspiring. See it.

gift list art

2009-12-24T09:56:00.000-06:00

Madame Marconi and Macaroni the Cat.

lil Texan

2009-12-20T11:44:00.001-06:00

Avatar

2009-12-15T13:38:00.000-06:00

I, for one can't wait for Avatar. Even with the unreal expectations and the normal bs media hype, this film will be a game changer. Think of defining films moments of the past 40 years or so and how the films changed not only the face of film, storytelling, cinematography, technology, advertising and popular culture. Traditional, dramatic film (meaning: films dependent on storytelling, not tech) don't necessarily rely on creating new worlds or cultures. They succeed because, whether comedy or drama or something in between, they generally depict a human experience that we can relate to and that is not too far out of the bounds of our normal reality, albeit a little more interesting.

Gamechangers are different. Some that spring to mind (Not an exhaustive list, and also based on subjectivity) are:

Alien

Jaws

Star Wars

The Terminator

Aliens

The Abyss

Titanic

The Matrix

Lord of the Rings

Think about how for better or worse, our culture has been effected by these films. How has storytelling, technology, and the way films have been marketed changed? Elements of these films and their legacies pervade our everyday life; commercials, the things we buy, the stories we tell, the very idea that the unthinkable can be achieved.

No one would say that all of these films are flawless (though I'd argue that Jaws is the closest) or that none of them made a quantum leap for women in film (Thank Ripley for that, ladies) or that they haven't created bad fashion trends (The Matrix) or created a horrible, low budget flock of imitators (all guilty) or that all of them have even been seen (Guilty. I still haven't seen Titanic). But the one thing that is certain is that their influence is pervasive and even ingrained in our subconscious.

In my humblest of opinions, Avatar will be no different. It will stand as a marker in time. The kind of film that you will remember where you where when you saw it. The kind of film that will plant the seeds of whole new generation of dreamers and storytellers. We'll see...

Consider This

2009-12-14T11:03:00.000-06:00

Recently, seeing a photo of a rekindled friendship between Richard Patrick and an old, bloated Brian Liesengang along with the release of Filter's '2012' soundtrack song, "Fades like a Photograph" got me thinking about Filter. A truly great group, meaning Richard Patrick, they've managed to survive with the times. While never really a huge band, they nevertheless had two monster hits, "hey, man nice shot" and "take a picture" which solidified their legacy in popular culture. I'd imagine that "hey, man" is one of most used movie/trailer songs in recent history.

Filter has always been a bit of an enigma. Richard Patrick emerged from nine inch nails tour guitarist (check him out in videos for head like a hole, down in it, gave up) to form Filter, which on the strength of "hey, man" carved out a little niche in rock. When they were covered by the music media, the nine inch nails lineage always provoked comparisons. Which is odd, considering they sound very dissimilar. Maybe other than sharing influences such as Ministry or Killing Joke, the comparisons stop there. Filter have never been afraid of big choruses or embracing other arena influences such as U2 or The Smashing Pumpkins.

Another of their strong traits have been their collaborations and soundtrack participation. Over the years they have quietly and consistently, produced some classic, original soundtrack material. Maybe more so than any other band:

"Jurassitol" from the Crow 2, "(Can't you) Trip like I do" with the Crystal Method from the Spawn Soundtrack, a cover of "One (is the loneliest number)" on the X-Files: Fight the Future soundtrack, "hey, man..."used in the films The Cable Guy and Demon Knight, etc, a cover of "Happy Together" from the remake of The Stepfather, and the new single, "Fades like a Photograph" from 2012. Quite a catalog and that's not all of it.

From the homemade, post-rock of Shortbus to the glossy, monster sound of Title of Record to the mix of those two sounds on The Amalgamut to the anti-war, pro-soldier political leanings of Anthems for the Damned and then to the trip hop, electro of Remixes for the Damned. Filter have managed to float just below the surface of the face of popular music and retain their identity as a brash, rock outfit that never fits neatly into any category and always surprises.

Assembled for your pleasure is my version of a dream Filter set list, highlighting all eras and moods. If you don't have these songs, they are worth the money. You won't be disappointed.

Consider This: a set list

1. Soldiers of Misfortune - Anthems for the Damned
2. It's Over - Short Bus
3. Jurassitol - The Crow 2 Soundtrack
4. The Only Way is the Wrong Way - Amalgamut
5. Kill the Day - Anthems for the Damned
6. Consider This - Short Bus
7. Where do we go from here? - Amalgamut
8. One is the loneliest number - X-Files: Fight the Future Soundtrack
9. Cold (Desert Sky) - Remixes for the Damned
10. Take a Picture - Title of Record
11. (Can't you) Trip like I do - Spawn Soundtrack
12. Where do we go from here (X-ecutioner's Remix) - Single
13. Fades like a photograph - 2012 Soundtrack
14. Soldiers of Misfortune (Justin Eyerly) - Remixes for the Damned
15. Hey Man, Nice Shot - Short Bus
16. I'm not the Only One - Title of Record

check out: www.officialfilter.com

Puscifer

2009-12-11T01:16:00.000-06:00

I tend to be very cautious about new ventures, mine or anyone else's for that matter. So in 2007 when Maynard James Keenan debuted his "solo" side project, Puscifer, I was skeptical. Reason being, I, like many other pimply little 13-years old stumbled across the video for Tool's "Sober" back when the MTV played videos (and if you stayed up really late, the played the really good ones).

I was hooked by the caustic passion of the music, the throbbing bass and the military precision drums but above all it was that Voice. You know, one of those voices that speaks to your heart, your hurt, your need for connection. The cryptic passages about sex abuse, violence, and the need to destroy yourself only to rebuild something beautiful were anchored by that soaring, muffled voice buried beneath the music. I like so many others was introduced to Mr. Keenan this way.

So they had me at "... Jesus, won't you fucking whistle something but the past and done? Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over."

I gobbled up all the albums as they came out, and of course scoured for the1st e.p. Opiate. Then came the bloat. Songs that seemed to go on and on and on. Tracks that seemed to meander and noodle and seemingly exist to test a listener's patience or loyalty for that matter. This feeling culminated a few years ago when I plopped a hard earned $50 to seem them live at the Verizon. They played eight songs. Eight long twisty, knotted, droning songs. I probably stand amongst the minority when I say that show turned me off a bit (complete with Maynard hiding behind a screen). Which is shitty for me. They thing that really always stood out to me, was the beauty of the lyrics - the depths that traveled to reveal and revel in experience and of course that Voice. Like watching your favorite movie with the sound off.

A Perfect Circle was a nice detour, vocals and lyrics up front, tight shorter songs. Accessible in a complimentary way. But somehow, it still had the feeling of being Billy Howerdel's band as evidenced in his other band, Ashes Divide.

Then came, V is for Vagina, Puscifer's first full length. Would this be the Maynard I had always wanted to hear? Clear, audible vocals; emotional content; powerful, dramatic songs. And then...it wasn't. It was droney, tribal, electro smut with vocals that seemed more like chanting or spoken word that singing. I sat it down and left it alone for a while. Confused.

Then the epiphany. I had one of those days. The kind that seem like life changers. It was in a sense. And I heard the song, "Momma Sed" the one track that seemed like a real "song." it was haunting and beautiful and spoke to the depths of me at a moment when I needed to hear it. So I resolved to myself to pay back the album by giving it another shot. And I began to love it. I finally accepted it for what it was: the work of an artist who had earned his right to experiment, to chase ghosts and beats. It wasn't what I wanted it to be, it was what it was intended to be. And my ears were rewarded with a beautiful, haunting live version of "Momma Sed" on a remix album. Then, just recently with a new EP, "C*** is for..." The ep is everything I wanted "V is for..." to be. They were reworked, remixed versions of the songs but with the melody and the emotion brought out. I got it. It was a package deal. A new world with its own reals and I bought in.

The climax of all this was seeing them on November 28th at the Majestic Theatre. I had bought tickets months ago (before the EP actually) on blind faith and was rewarded with one of the best shows I have ever seen. A visual and audio feast. A true "performance." Not just a show, or a concert but an experience. There was comedy, cultural commentary, brilliant musicianship, a sense of communion amongst the artists on stage and at the center of it was Maynard. Hilarious, passionate, self-aware, considerate of the audience's experience, and one hundred percent on. Hearing and seeing that live version of "Momma Sed" as well as the haunting, stirring "Humbling River" were moments where my heart fluttered and my eyes burned. Writing this now weeks later, I don't know another compliment, other than simple gratitude for having the opportunity to be there on that night and to revel in that moment.

Niwot

2009-12-10T18:54:00.000-06:00

Niwot
words: C. Rick Ortiz

here I am,
Am I faithless?
Have I taken
this long
to awaken?

Is it too late
to stand above
these mountains
these mesas
the skeletal remains
of America

and see with my own eyes
that things can change
we can remember
we can forget
what we choose to
like we used to

When I was young
I was afraid of dying
Now that I'm old
I'm afraid of living

here I am
Am I faithless?
shrugging off belief
in the system

taking care of machines
we're the victims
Standing above
the castle
the parapets
are manned
at the ready
Am I ready?

to see with my own eyes
that things can change

Pups

2009-12-10T14:53:00.001-06:00

MNF 11/23/09

2009-11-29T15:26:00.000-06:00

Titans over Texans - 20 -17. My first ever trip to see a Houston game with the added sweetness of MNF. Too bad for the loss though.

what's happening?

2009-10-27T12:03:00.000-05:00

Currently, Rick has finished a short project for a local animal rescue, doing finishing touches on a promo for Greg Coplen Ministries, and knee deep in a screenplay for the UCLA Professional Program in Screenwriting.

I have also been setting aside late late night hours obsessively playing Uncharted 2: Among Thieves and going for a fifth Super Bowl Crown as the Texans in my 12th season of Madden 06 for PS2.

Also, made some time to go on a short vacation (courtesy of my beautiful lady and her work) to Boulder, Co. It was...beautiful. Landed in Denver, pilot said, "woooa!" like he was stopping a horse, saw murals painting the Apocalypse and the takeover of Reptilians, ate some Burger King, noticed that Denver is very flat, got to Boulder, noticed that everyone was wearing shorts and sandals, skinny and pale, I was overdressed in jeans and a hot fleece lined vest purchased at half off at Kohls, climbed to the Royal Arch in Chautaqua Park, laid in bed weds with swollen ankles, walked about 20 miles in one week, lost four pounds, bought a Buffs t-shirt, walked the campus of CU, visited football stadium, saw the skull of a triceratops at the CU Museum of Natural History, saw a chipmunk, saw some folks doing capoiera in front of the court house, saw a scary living statue, gave a homeless dude two chocolate chip cookies, watched the leaves fall, ate the hottest pizza I have ever had, watched half of Marley & Me, watched too much of Shutter, visited the National Center for Atmospheric Research on top of a mesa in a building designed by I.M. Pei, saw a supercomputer that looked like WOPR from Wargames, Matthew Broderick not in sight, walked the mesa nature trail, felt snow for the first time since i was five, watched snow melt and fall like rain from the ponderosa pines, felt close to God, we went to Farfel's Farm and Carol bought a bandana for Pita, visited The Lighthouse bookstore, smelled like incense and feet, some guy next to me knocked down a staute of buddha, got bad karma, bought a Jim Marrs book, listen to some dude talk the clerk's head off, he quoted Bob Dylan and then got his card declined, I bought carol a book about cats, there was a psychic on duty but the last time i saw a psychic (once at a wedding) she told me my thumb wasn't long enough to be a writer like hers, ate a vegatarian burrito filled with beef, "went" to class on skype, woke up a 5:45am, caught the supershuttle to Denver, watched the sun come up from the window of a cargo van, pulled into DIA, bought bear poop chocolate balls as souvenirs, carol and I ate mickey d's while we waited for our flight, a lady near by pulled a chihuahua out of a carry on bag, read my book about conspiracies in an airport built for conspiracies, boarded the plane, no seats for two except for the emergency exit seats, sat by the window, asked by stewardess if i could carry out emergency duties, said yes, thought too myself, "I'd save carol and myself," wondered what happens if you open the door mid-flight, we half-joked about the gremlin on the plane in The Twilight Zone, I was thinking of the one with John Lithgow, not William Shatner, saw the snow covered Rockies, looked at Carol, God, she's beautiful, even when she worries about flying, listen to Afghan Whigs on my iPod, eat a twix, drink a coke, read more conspiracy stories, fly into Texas, circle the city from above in a perculiar way, come in for a landing, plane shakes more than usual, silently wonder if this is my last moment, plane touches down and my stomach turns a bit, plane stops and I'm happy to be home.

Chautaqua Park/ The Royal Arch

2009-10-20T23:03:00.000-05:00

Boulder Pics

2009-10-20T22:52:00.000-05:00

Modern Family (music video)

2009-10-16T11:47:00.000-05:00

Watch the episode "the incident."

Doll Parts

2009-10-08T00:01:00.000-05:00

This is the kind of stuff you see in a thrift store on your lunch break on the South Side. rad.

Afghan Whigs - Gentlemen

2009-10-07T23:48:00.000-05:00

I finally bought this album on iTunes (like 15 years later, man). It was worth the wait. So far it is pretty great. A great foreshadowing of Dulli's future work with The Twilight Singers and Mark Lanegan. I guess because they were on Sub Pop, I always associated with that whole "grunge" thing, which is now officially old enough to safely put quotes around as if some ironic colloquialism. I remember seeing their video for Gentlemen and always confusing it with Our Lady Peace's "Starseed." Anyway, it's a great listen. I'll probably go overboard and by all their back catalog now. I'll leave you with a live clip with them covering Barry White from the Beautiful Girls soundtrack.

Modern Family

2009-10-07T23:44:00.000-05:00

It's rare that shows or movies really make me laugh. Like rewind and watch again, laugh out loud funny. But I am really enjoying this show, here's a choice clip:

Watch, rent and buy this movie.

2009-09-25T00:13:00.000-05:00

Why does this make me laugh?

(The funniest scene in the history of the world. maybe)

Vast

2009-09-23T22:42:00.000-05:00

A great voice. Great underrated band. Check out this clip.

Freshmen

2009-09-23T12:05:00.000-05:00

Heard this song on the radio this morning. It is a really good song. Def has stood the test of time. The Verve Pipe didn't do much after this song, unless you count cameos in "Rock Star" with Mark Wahlberg, but still the song is just too good.

I enjoy it for the sort of nostalgic sentimentality it creates for me. We normally have to personally relate a song to a memory or moment to appreciate it or personalize it, but I think it's nice sometimes to just hear a song for what it is. Just to enjoy the work these guys put into it (hell, they recorded two versions) and that fact that it just makes you feel...something. I remember reading some poop on the internet about what the song is really about, but I don't care.

I'll forever stare off wistfully when I hear it, move in slow motion (don't we all do this sometimes when no one is looking?), and pretend I "get" how heavy things truly are.

I saw these guys once with Joe and they put on a great show. I never bought the CD but I loved their live show. They had a song called "Cup of Tea" as in (screams) "It's not my cup of teaaaa!" That always bugged me and probably kept me from buying it. I am a jerk like that. When we left Joe pulled a poster of their off the wall and took it home. It stayed on his wall for years. And it was an awesome poster. It somehow matched his wall.

The opener for that show was Howlin' Maggie. They had a modest Alterno hit, called "Alcohol." It was really good. But alas, their singer wore a pink boa and wore skin tight pants with black and white stripes. He played an instrument that looked like a tiny keyboard but had to be blown into via a soda straw type contraption in order for it too make sound. This bugged me as well. Never bought the CD but might one day when I get a need for a late night iTunes fix. I don't do drugs, but am addicted to iTunes.

Another cool tidbit, Howlin' Maggie's singer went onto to be a sometime member of The Twilight Singers (featuring Greg Dulli of Afgan Whigs and Mark Lanegan of Screaming Trees). HM's drummer was Jerome Dillion who served time in Nine Inch Nails.

here is video link (Sony BMG won't allow in embed. pfft!):
Note: I just realized that the striped pants make an appearance. I have a feeling they were
worn...a lot.

Howlin' Maggie: "Alchohol"

New photo food blog. a bit gross.

2009-09-22T23:21:00.000-05:00

check out: www.carnibored.blogspot.com

Downtown.

2009-09-22T23:18:00.001-05:00

I love San Antonio.

The Forever War by Joe Haldeman

2009-08-24T12:52:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading The Forever War by Joe Haldeman, recently. I really have to say that it was a great read. It's one of the books that kind of floats under your radar. I generally read all sorts of genres, so I'm not ashamed to say that I am not an expert in any genre. But having read Heinlein's Starship Troopers and Steakley's Armor, I felt informed enough reading this book.

It was written in the Seventies as a post-war Sci-Fi novel by Haldeman who is a Vietnam Vet. I recently learned that in the canon of Sci-Fi and War fiction genre, that this book is considered a classic. I, however, stumbled upon it not by being a patron of the genre but rather by browsing at Barnes & Noble while waiting for my Deluxe Chicken Quesadillas to order up over at Chuy's.

The book was a revelation as were my quesadillas ("case of beer?" Nevermind.)

Short and sweet, the book begins in the Seventies when a supposed Alien menace is discovered on the other side of the galaxy and a group of young, intelligent men and women are conscripted to an elite force whose mission is to fight the aliens as well as guard the collapsars from Alien entry.

Still, with me?

At this point in the premise, you may open your books to the first gospel of Heinlein or if you're short on time check out Verhoven's Starship Troopers (ne' 90210 in Space) film adaptation.

The thing that really seperates this book from its brethren is the journey that its protaganist, William Mandella takes. He is a wayward son of Earth, a planet that with each passing light year strays further and further from the home he left behind.

In order to reach and make use of the collapsars (wormholes), the UNEF Army must travel great distances at close to the speed of light (ah, AU's. Astronomy class anyone?) This is handy for getting to your battle in a hurry but a bummer for your friends and your family who will have aged years in your subjectively short absence.

Mandella's real story is having to deal not only with fighting an enemy, who he has never truly seen or for that matter has no problem with, but also that the freedom and the people that he has devoted himself to protecting change so much in his absence that when he does return it is not to the world or the way of life that he knew.

To say much more, would give away too much of this grand story that spans eons and battles and love and hundreds of years of accrued payment.

Suffice it to say, this is truly a memorable story that will appeal to anyone who enjoys a good space yarn or ever ponders the necessity of war and the senseless death that inveitably follows.

The Forever War: Highly Recommended.

post script: I read that the incredible director, Ridley Scott (Alien, Gladiator, Body of Lies, Black Hawk Down) annouced that he will be making the Forever War movie.

Paul Auster.

2009-08-06T14:10:00.000-05:00

Inspiration...